When you're young your mother shields you from the world because she thinks you're too young to understand and when she's old you shield her because you think she's too old to understand - or to have any more understanding inflicted on her.
I grew up not having to listen to my parents berate me for any wrong doings or doing things my way. As a matter or fact none of my siblings either. If at all my mum got into one of her moods, all of us kena in general. For the first eleven years of my life, I stayed with my paternal aunt. When she died, I came back to stay with my parents.
No, there was no heart to heart talk from parent to child and there was no bedtime story telling either. So when I got married and have children of my own, it was literally learning from scratch. It was thanks to Dr. Miriam Stoppard and many other books and magazines on children and parental guidance.
Eman was sent to Seri Bangsar when he was eight months old as I was still working then and none of the maids stayed long enough and I didn't like the adjusting period that he had to go through with each new maid. And when Lisa was born, it was childcare straight away for her only by then both of them were sent to another childcare centre. There was nothing wrong with Seri Bangsar, only that they didn't have any mengaji or doa recitals.
I quit my job when it was time for Eman to start schooling. School started in December then and I was not keen to hire a maid, so after discussing the pros and cons with Ja, I submitted my resignation.
Bedtime was spent chatting or reading and encouraging them to recite the syahadah. I had my first heart to heart talk with Eman over his name when he was seven years old. He was very upset that we didn't name him Muhammad Eman Azrin as many of his friends seem to have the Muhammad as their first names. I had to explain that his name is pronounced as "Iman" which is an Islamic term for religious belief. Whilst I agree that Muhammad is the name of our prophet (p.b.u.h), I told him that Iman is what we are all about. There are also many people with the name Muhammad that didn't turn out well in life. Our prophet is an exceptional person.
Some people call him Ehman and some do call him Iman. He is mostly EA to me. He turned 21 last August and Lisa 18 in February. Lisa's complaints are mostly over people substituting the "s" in her name with "z" and call her Nur Liza. I can't help her there.
Being a parent who had experienced a broken heart once in her life, I shudder to think that my children will experience it. Both of them kept clear of any relationships whilst they were in the secondary school. But when EA went to KDU, he had a thing with Mel. Of different religion and race. I have told the children my views on mixed marriages and stuff, the responsibilities and all but I have no objection to either of them having a relationship with people of other races. I am not an original Malay anyway. My dad was of some Javanese descendant from Makassar and my mum of Bugese, Sulawesi. Ja is also of mixed blood.
I have also openly declared that it does not matter where either one of them choose to stay eventually. Here in Malaysia or anywhere else for that matter. Your religious belief is in your heart and you can be a practising Muslim anywhere on earth.
So anyway, despite them being together a few months and seemed to be able to complete each other's sentences and all, it did not work out. I remember telling him that a heart gets broken so that it can grow stronger and as a person, he will be wiser. Imagine then, it was almost time for him to continue his further studies in Perth. Both Ja and I were a bit concerned. Of the two of them, EA is more sensitive. He is not embarrased to cry, he is I am afraid, as temperamental as me. (How I wish both my children inherit Ja's disposition - not temperamental and less emotional..) He is over her but somehow does not seem to be able to accept her as a friend. He is now back for two months on year end break. And now that he is older, I am pretty certain that he does not tell me as much as he used to.
Lisa, on the other hand is so worried about getting her heart broken that she treads so carefully going about her life. She asked me once, "How do you know if he's the one". "Do you go through or have many relationships before getting the right one?" I have no answer to these questions. (I broke two hearts, had one broken engagement, fell in love for the first time and had my heart broken, it was so bad that I thought I could see the lump of pain in my heart.. I have made peace with the two guys that I hurt, one married my best friend and came to tell me about it whilst I was at work and the other is also married but somehow ended up being my youngest sister's brother-in-law, such small world.. and my ex-fiance, whilst I had met him, returned the money he loaned me when I came to work in KL, I have no idea how he is now.) My husband, Ja.. now he is Allah's gift to me. Alhamdulillah..
And Lisa, she has broken a heart.. she was 17 then, first year in college. Instant attraction but she didn't feel the same way about him. I wonder if Lisa is more in love with love. She likes the idea of love but I did tell her that a relationship needs work. I suppose she is not ready yet. So she is cautious, very very cautious.
I wish I could prevent any hurt from befalling my children. I'd like to think that both Ja and I have prepared them for this world, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. As they go about their lives, studying and having outings with friends of various races, I pray that God will look after them, guide them and give them strength.
